Nothing Left to Say

(Taken when I was 14- Sorry for a random, old picture, I'd upload something more recent and exciting except Blogger won't let me upload new photos for some reason. Grr....)

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I keep falling, I keep falling down/If you could only save me, I'm drowning in the waters of my soul/I'm giving up, I'm giving up, hey hey, giving up now.

Imagine Dragons' song "Nothing Left to Say" has really been hitting home to me in my life today. You know how some days go really well, others go simply awesome and, sometimes, you get a day that's about one degree away from utter perfection? I'd love to tell you that today I experienced one of those days.

But that would be lying.

Today was actually the worst day I've had this year. I don't know why exactly and the reasons I have figured I need not go into detail with. But I truly have been "falling down, drowning in the waters of my soul."

Without God, this could be true for every day of our lives. It's only when I get off track from His will that I find myself in this situation, drowning. I know that I've been doing some things which are not what He would want me to be doing, so I can only blame myself.

Do you ever feel like you've confessed to God the same sin literally hundreds upon hundreds of times? This is another thing I've been struggling with, and if not dealt with properly, it can eventually lead to drowning.

I've come to the position and conclusion that as the song says, it's true. There's nothing left to say.

The Lord didn't save me because of what I did, but what He did.

When I ask for forgiveness of my sins, He forgives me because His mercy is never-ending, not because of my mere human words or what I do to try and prove myself.

There's nothing left to say.

You just have to surrender to God, admit you were wrong and thank Him for His ever-so-abundant mercies. That's all. You don't need to go into lengthy detail, just ask His forgiveness, and mean it.

Ask Him to help you repent, and He will. But you have to LET Him. This is very challenging in itself.

And here's where we come to letting go, giving up.

"I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now."

Give up those emotions of hatred, anger, resentment, bitterness, heartbreak, whatever they may be.

Give them up entirely. Don't let any smidgen remain in your soul. Let Him take them away, wipe your slate clean.

There's nothing left to say.

Banishing Fear

Everyone is afraid of something.

Whether it’s the fear of spiders, the fear of heights or the fear of being rejected, we all have something which strikes fear into our heart.  I am not the kind of girl who gets frightened over spiders, snakes or dark spaces. Or even the thought of being rejected. But like every other human I have tendencies to be afraid of certain things. And one of those things is flying on airplanes.

I used to REALLY dread flying. In fact, I hated it. Even today, I can’t help but despise it. Flying makes my stomach turn cartwheels and my head dizzy. There have been times when I almost blacked-out while sitting there in my seat, trying to distinguish which side was up.

The thing is, I fly pretty often, so theoretically, my body should be used to it by now, right?

Well, it isn’t. But even though I still struggle physically with flying, at least my mental struggles have been calmed.

See, I used to lie in my bed at night picturing all the things that could go wrong on a commercial flight. I pictured planes doing double barrel rolls, or perhaps hurling into the Atlantic Ocean. The mental pictures I created sent shivers down my spine. Then came the dread. Dreading the next time my dad and I would travel somewhere for his work…flying on an airplane. I felt sick thinking about the flight ahead of me.

One particular trip, as my dad and I headed out the door for another of his conferences, Mom handed me a piece of paper. Glancing it over quickly, I found that she had written down multiple Scripture verses that talked about fear…and how to extinguish it.  She reminded me to trust God and to pray for His help, that I would be strong and courageous.  Her words were like a splash of cold water, refreshing and encouraging me.

Later, I did pray. I read the verses Mom had given me. I pleaded with the Lord, asking that He would banish the fear from my heart and help me to enjoy the flight. As our plane began to take off, and my stomach started rolling around again, I told myself everything was fine. I told myself I had nothing to be afraid of; I was a daughter of the King of Kings! He would take care of me.

We hit a little turbulence and my heart started pounding. My hands instinctively gripped the armrests beside me.

Relax, Leah. Loosen up. Relax. I heard the Holy Spirit coaxing me gently. Relax. It’s all under control.

And it was. I made myself calm down, and trust my Heavenly Father.

Before I knew it, the flight was nearly over and we were about to land. The Lord had kept His promise. He took care of me, and nothing crazy happened, after all.

Looking back, I wonder how I would have been if I had not prayed and put my trust in the Lord. By focusing on His Word in my time of fear, I was comforted and refreshed. By repeating those Bible verses my Mom gave me, I was strengthened and encouraged. God’s Word was like a balm of healing to my faithless heart.

How often do we let ourselves get wrapped up in worries and fears, when, if we were to turn to the Lord and focus on Him and His Word, we could be relieved of our anxieties?

How often do we forget to take our fears to God in prayer?

If He is powerful enough to create the entire universe, and all that is within, He is certainly powerful enough to help us banish fear from our hearts.

Have a blessed weekend!

 

What's an Aspiring Christian Actress to Do?

Howdy y'alls. What's been happenin'? Not much? Well, for the time being, I am trying to solve an enigma of sorts and find a way to pursue one of my many thousand interests....

Just what might this be that could be such an predicament? For some, it wouldn't hardly be worth the bat of an eye. For some, there is no need for discussion because the opportunities lie smack-dab in front of them already.

Well, that doesn't seem to be the case for me. Unless there's a crop of opportunies that are so painfully obvious that I'm looking right over them. Or maybe they simply don't exist. I am inclined to believe the latter, at the moment. Not exactly pleased with that, but facts are facts. And "truth never dies." And "it doesn't matter what you believe; it matters what is true."

I want to act. Whether it be in a film, theatre production or skit, I desperate want to engage in this form of the arts. Desperately with a capitol "D".

Some of you may be saying, "But, Leah, don't you already have a little film company you can try your acting skills out in?"

Yes, I do. Glory Film Productions IS my film company. And, in a couple of our videos, I have participated as an actor. But, with a cast/crew that is mostly aged between 5 and 12, there isn't a whole lot typically that requires the part of a 16-year-old girl that looks more like 18 or 20. I mean, not without looking a bit awkward in one aspect or another. Some films, yes, it would work, but....overall, my position in GFP is administrator, director, and all the behind-the-scenes stuff. Not acting, typically. How I would love to say otherwise, because as you now know, I adore acting. I love directing and all that I do currently but acting would really put the icing on the cake.

So....what's my predicament with acting?

My issue is not just finding places to audition. Sure, there a number of somewhat-local (does 25-30 minutes away minimum constitute 'local'?) theatres in our area of the state. We've got a Civic Theatre in Ocala and a couple theatres in Gainesville. So what's the issue?

I am a Christian. A Christ-follower, and Child of the Most High God, YHWH. And there is a code of standards which I uphold, based upon what I believe to be honoring to the Lord.

There are things I will do, and things I won't do. And this is more a matter of what I won't do.

If you haven't noticed, the realm of theatre, acting and drama is a primarily-secular one. It is dominated by liberals, perverts, and athiests. There are lots of twisted people in Hollywood and Broadway. Unfortunate and sad as it is, (trust me, I take no pleasure in saying these things) it is the truth.

There are, indeed, an increasing number of Christian actors and actresses these days, which is encouraging. I myself hope to be one of these people.

What I am concerned about, is going in to audition for a play or performance and being required to perform something which may be ungodly or dishonoring to the Lord. Even if it's just the details in the costume...an immodestly low neckline, short skirt, or tight top.

Those things matter. I can't let my light shine if I'm jumping in on the darkness.

What if I were, indeed, cast for a character, and then I find later that this character must do something immoral? All too often, seductive forms of dance are mish-mashed in with theatre productions, especially musical theatre. Well, I can tell you this, there's no way at all I will take part in that.

Perhaps the problem could be solved, by turning to an alternative, finding a Christian theatre. (they do exist) Excellent idea! Now...*goes to google "Christian community theatre"*

*Looks through list of links*

*OOOOH, there's something! Christian Youth Theatre!! how cool is that! *clicks*

*Ah terrific, they have multiple locations. Uh oh....wait a sec....what's this? Yeah, they have a location in my state, but....but....it's 4-5 hours away from me. DRAT DRAT DRAT.*

This is my experience so far trying to locate Christian theatres in my state. Yes, indeed they do exist, and many are excellent institutions. The problem? None are anywhere near where I live.

Sorry, but a 2-5 hour drive back and forth just isn't going to work right now in this point of my life. Nope. Not at all. Dang it. Fiddlesticks. Burnt muffins. Shoot.

So what am I to do? Should I look more into the secular theatres, since they may indeed be all that is currently available to me?

There is, of course, the option of starting a chapter for CYT(Christian Youth Theatre) or another organization for this purpose, entirely fresh. Though we have already been considering starting a speech club for this region, and as we have been finding, recruiting people who are actually interested has been a severe challenge.

*Sigh*. So now what? What's a young, ambitious, aspiring Christian actress to do?

Pray, for now. Actually, pray the whole way through. That's what I'm doing, or trying my best to be doing. God is in control, and I am trusting that, if HE wants me to act, HE'LL find a way for me to do so. It's just a matter of waiting to hear His take, or see Him open some sort of door of opportunity.

Though I'm waiting very impatiently, I must admit. Patience....patience, Leah. Patience.

In the meantime, I'm practicing acting technique by acting out Robert Boyd Munger's "My Heart, Christ's Home." I saw a young lady act out this fine little volume at a girls' conference a couple years back, and it was excellent.

So that's what I've got for now. What say ye? I know I haven't written a blog post this long for ages....I'll stop yacking now.

Oh yeah....one last thing though... in other news, you can now find my art on deviantART.

(check my profile out here ---> http://ladyapassionata.deviantart.com/)

So that's it folks. Time to log off, for yours truly.

Annnddddd.....If you are aware of any Christian acting organizations, you know I would be deathly interested in hearing about them. ;) wink wink.

Have a blessed new week,