Sunday, July 3, 2016

//no i'm not crazy, i just like being single

//note: this post is not intended for younger audiences. it deals with sexuality and other serious elements. 

My mind has soared lately with a myriad of visions and dreams. 
Even though I genuinely look forward to Christ's return, (especially with this perilous era only growing worse)  I yearn to DO things in my earthly life. I have always been a dreamer, a visionary and a go-getter. 

More often than it should be, my dreams are self-focused and not centered on Christ. A close friend of mine has reminded me more than once that a plan is useless if not dedicated to Christ and reliant upon His approval. Scripture confirms this in Psalm 127:1. 

The world sees success as money, worldly goods and an attractive partner who can satisfy your carnal needs. 

Success in God's eyes is completely different. It is fulfilled in giving Christ your everything, spreading His love among creation, and loving Him with all your heart. Really, it could be summed up with just the first and last points, because if we do those things, all the other stuff will follow after naturally. If I love Christ, I should want to tell others about Him when I can. If I love my Savior, I should desire to serve my fellow human beings and be a beam of sunshine to whoever I encounter. 

One thing I have noticed, though, in the Christian, conservative community (I'm looking at you, fellow homeschoolers and homeschool alumni) is the large emphasis on getting married, ASAP. 
Obviously not /all/ folks in this category think like that, and I hate making blanket statements because obviously everyone is different. 

I'm just saying. It's common to see lots of focus on finding your match and getting hitched. Sometimes, "lots" is an understatement. 

It's not a bad thing to desire marriage, especially while in your early twenties when you think you're unstoppable against the world. In fact, not only is it perfectly normal and acceptable, it's in many ways, quite ideal. Our biological clocks are on a countdown. It's a proven fact that child-bearing is easiest when you're younger. Hormones are raging. Temptation looms over our naive, relatively-inexperienced heads like a giant, ominous weight; suspended by a piece of twine that could snap at any time. 

Let's face it, y'all. It's hard to be a young adult in twenty-sixteen.
 I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It's flippin' HARD. 
No other era in history has been so exposed to evil-on-demand as we are. Unfortunate as it is, we have a buffet of evil arrayed at our fingertips. So many items and flavors to pick from, and most can be in our grasp within minutes if not seconds, due to technology's encroachment in our lives. 
Sin has always existed, but in 2016 we are invited in enjoy it without guilt and to give it a seat at our table. Nobody even calls it sin to begin with, because that goes against the idealogy of relativism. 
 Sin is a welcome guest on earth. You're even called weird, prudish and downright hateful if you decide not to take a bite from this alluring buffet. 

And who wants to go against the flow? 

There's a reason that I say all this, by the way. I know I ramble, but I'm going somewhere - trust me. 

I just want to acknowledge how hard it is to be single and overcoming temptation in 2016. 
Personally, I suck at it. I literally am awful at being pure. I might be a technical virgin, but trust me, I don't deserve the title. I struggle with stuff, and I know it. Not gonna lie or try to put on airs.
 Sometimes, I wish I weren't created to be a sexual human being. Sometimes I question what all the temptation and struggling is really for, in the end. When I consider the fact that there's a chance I might not marry for a while, if at all, I even get angry.  Part of my flesh screams out in distress because my body craves to be fulfilled in ways that only a healthy union with my hypothetical soul-mate can satisfy. I'm not gonna lie. I crave sex just like anybody else. 

Don't faint.
 I can see you over there, on the other side of the screen, just staring in shock at that last line. You're probably thinking I've lost my wits, right? I mean, come on, we're not supposed to talk about this subject to begin with. It's just...taboo. Because. Reasons. Right..?

But seriously.

I know I just said it aloud what a lot of single Christian virgins are thinking but don't want to admit. 
Look, there's nothing wrong with acknowledging your body's biological functions and needs. Sex is natural, normal and even sacred. Society - and sin, overall -  has polluted many peoples' ideas on it, true. But it's still just as special and important as it was when it was first created. And, heck, biology is just plain biology, no matter how squeamish talking about it makes you feel. 

So, basically, there are definite biological reasons why marrying young is a good thing and very healthy. Even Paul acknowledged that marriage is good, relating to the subject of avoiding temptation to cave and act impurely. 

Of course, we also know there are countless other reasons why marriage is wonderful, if it is a healthy, loving marriage focused on God. In fact, it can be the most amazing union a man and woman can experience other than having a devoted relationship with God. 

But I'm not really here to preach a sermon on marriage. 

I acknowledge the greatness of a healthy marriage, and I understand the desire to seek out your mate ASAP. 

But let's get something straight.

Getting married is not your ultimate calling. 

Finding your soulmate is not the reason your were created. 

And, you can be perfectly happy and content as a single pringle. 
Newsflash! Being single is actually not a disease, problem or illness that needs to be cured! It's just another phase of life, that can be utilized in incredible ways to serve God. 
Being "single" is not part of your identity, and it doesn't define you. It's just another location on the map of life. And chances are, most of us won't be staying in this location for that much longer. 

You can call me weird, or insist that I'm just bluffing - but honestly? I like being single. I'm not just saying that. I really mean it. I genuinely am happy and at peace being free of a romantic, committed relationship.
That being said, I have been in a few relationships before. I know what it's like to go through all that, alright? I've been there. It has it's ups and downs. Clearly I haven't found 'the one' yet - that, or maybe the timing is just not right currently, if I have met the guy already. Who knows at this point. It's all in God's hands and I don't dare try to take it into my own.

Dating/courting somebody can be amazing, and it can bring a lot of happiness and fulfillment into your life. Hopefully, the other person's in the same belief-system as you so you can encourage eachother in your spiritual journey. If you get physical, well - yeah. There's that too. (Personally for numerous reasons I don't advocate a high level of physicalness in a relationship like this.)

But fact is, relationships also suck. There's a whole truckload of pressure that gets unintentionally heaped on both parties. Whether you want it or not.
 In my experience, the men tend to jump in head-over-heels emotionally and are spouting off the "I loves you"s way too early in the relationship. What does this do? It makes us girls feel like we have to reciprocate the sentiment, whether or not we actually feel the same. Sometimes you might like somebody, but you don't know if you actually love them. Heck, I feel like this the story of my love-life so far. *shakes head* I mean, there are incredibly amazing men out there, but when you already struggle with mental clarity (or lack thereof) and hyper-distorted messed up hormonal imbalances, it's incredibly difficult to ever truly understand your feelings when it comes to love and what love actually manifests itself as. I could write a whole other post on what love is and isn't, on my meager knowledge of the subject. I probably won't though, because honestly I'm stillllll incredibly clueless and that's kinda why I'm single. 

Perhaps I'm delusional, but I think it's perfectly acceptable to be content during your single years. 

There is nothing wrong with not desiring romance for a little while. In fact, when you can actually put this particular subject aside and give it a break, you get to really experience life in ways you couldn't during a committed relationship. 
-You have more time to fulfill dreams and serve God, for one. 
-You don't have the potential drama, stress and mess of emotional entanglement. 
-You don't have to worry about pleasing a significant other and catering to their wants/needs. 
-You belong to nobody. You are your own person, free from the confines of expectations and commitment that a relationship demands. 
Not to mention, there's nothing like that feeling of being an untamed "calico pony on an open prairie". The sky is the limit! (Obviously I don't say this in reference to what sin or bad stuff you can get away with. It's more of, being free emotionally and spiritually.) 

The biggest reason I choose to be single currently is because of my relationship with God.

How can I have a successful, productive relationship with a human if I can't have a fruitful, passionate relationship with Jesus, the Creator of mankind? 

I know we're all works in progress and that you can't necessarily use that as an excuse to stay single forever. But truth is, it's easier to develop you walk with God when you don't have another person competing for your time, love and thoughts. 

So, no. I'm not weird or crazy. I simply want to seize the day. I aim to make the most of each season God gives me. 
And right now, that means loving my single years, treating them as a precious gift. Not letting them go to waste.

I invite you to do the same.