Monday, September 8, 2014

I Used To Be Indecisive But Now I'm Not Sure

Did you get that title? Yes? Hehe, good.

 So often in life it feels like indecisiveness is viewed as a bad thing. If you can't make up your mind, you feel like you're at a disadvantage and you're behind. Out of the loop. Not with it.

Bleh. So many negative connotations to the word indecision.

Yes, there may be a valid reason for that. For example: If you can't make up your mind about salvation, that's dangerous. Terribly dangerous, in fact. See, if you never make up your mind, you'll end up burning for all eternity. If that's not a scary thought, I don't know what is. So yeah. Definitely DON'T be indecisive there.

On a lighter note, I hate not knowing what I want, or what I'm supposed to be doing. I hate not being in the loop with what's going on. I hate not being able to pick whether I want pizza or vegan enchiladas while visiting a particular someone and his family. (Heck yes that's a hard choice! On one hand pizza is pizza and therefore pizza is just....*happy sigh* well, perfect, really; but on the other hand vegan enchiladas are healthy and healthy is good and I'm supposed to be promoting healthy things as a naturopath and...and...just bah humbug. Too many choices, I tell you.)

I don't like not being able to make up my mind. I don't like not knowing what to think or do. It drives me mad, actually. Wait, scratch that. Let's rephrase that. It drives me madder.

In the area of romantic relationships and emotional wellbeing, it's torturous. I'm a healthy human eighteen-year-old girl with healthy human eighteen-year-old hormones, after all. What can you expect?
I won't lie. Many moments have been spent praying over how to know what God's will is for me relating to love and marriage. I desperately want to know how I should react to things that have come up. I desperately wish I could figure out my feelings. I don't like being in the dark about my own state of emotional welfare. It's really annoying. I mean, sometimes it feels like I know other people better than I know my own self.

But in this desperation, it's easy to fall into certain traps. Snares like impatience, for example. This is dangerous, because when you are so wrapped up in trying to get an answer from yourself or God, you can end up doing dumb things you regret later.

Okay, so cutting through all the rambling. What am I trying to convey again? I guess what I'm getting at here is that when it comes to falling in love, it's not something that has to happen just all at once and in bright flashing letters. It's fine to be confused about your feelings toward the person you're getting to know. In that first year of the relationship, when you're still in the 'mostly friendship' stage, you don't have to slap a label on your feelings instantly.

"Is this the one? Or is it somebody else?"

"Do I love him(her), or do I not?"

These aren't questions that need immediate answering. Give it time, and continue to seek the guidance of the Lord, as well as the counsel of those wiser than you. Basically, just chill. Don't stress over the unanswered questions. Time will tell. Save yourself a lot of mental gymnastics and leave it in Christ's hands where it belongs.

Sometimes it's okay to be undecided. And sometimes, it's wisest to be undecided.
1 Chronicles 16:11.
I leave y'all with an adorable jumping spider who knows how to dress classy. Because, jumping spiders are underappreciated. That is all.