These Walls

 

// A result of random urges to write at 2 AM. Yes, it's somewhat dark. //

 

 

These Walls

 

These walls house two people, and them two people don’t get along

These walls house two enemies, and they wage war, oh they wage war

Welcome to a morbid home, these walls are covered in blood

Welcome to a battleground, a less-than-peaceful abode.

These windows are clouded, because the people always fight

These windows are a mirror to the darkness and the light

What a pity, what a shame. You wouldn’t understand their little game

They’re both fighting to get out, and if you listen close you can hear them shout.

 

Between these blue eyes you see,

There’s an entire world underneath

 And beneath this convincing smile

There’s a scheming crocodile

Inside this cranium, inside this heart

There’s no vacancy, that’s for sure.

Would you run if you knew, that behind these eyes of blue

These walls house more than one mind, and there’s a war, oh there’s a war inside

Would you think that I’m a freak, if all within me were to speak

Would you run if you could see, that there are two of me?

 

I told her to get lost, there’s no room in this little house

But she said she got a plan of her own, and these walls can’t hold us both

So I drew my sword and she drew her sword, and we fought it out right there

We painted the walls with blood, oh in our morose abode

 

These windows are tinted, so that nobody can look within

They’d see two girls fighting in a symphony of sin

These windows are a portal to a chaotic world below

Sometimes it’s beautiful, and sometimes it’s a warzone

Between these eyes of cerulean,

There’s a constant struggle to be free

And behind this sun-kissed face

Is another girl in another space

No vacancy in this heart, no room in this mind

Too many occupants fighting for time

 

Would you run if you knew, that behind these eyes of blue

These walls house more than one mind, and there’s a war, oh there’s a war inside

Would you think that I’m a freak, if all within me were to speak

Would you run if you could see, that there are two of me?

And would it scare you to know, that I’ve embraced it so

These walls house two of us, and we’re rising from the dust

When we aren’t fighting, we are strong – we create the harmony in our song

When I stretch my wings, look to the sky, because it takes the two of us to fly

This is a strange little house, a strange little heart

But sometimes the occupants paint brilliant works of art

There is gold amid the crimson; stars in the darkened night

Because together, our minds as one, we’re victors in our fight.

 

//

So yeah. This is what it's like to have two personalities (and more) in your mind.

 Sometimes I hate it, sometimes it makes me stronger. If I don't render it to Christ, give Him full control, I'm always on the ground, crawling, and it's hard to see if I'm moving forward or not.

 I feel like that's all that needs to be said.

 

You Are An Adventure Story {hello 2015}

Every year I set goals. It might be one of the few 'normal' things I do.

Last year, I may not have compiled a list, but I still set the bar high, and aimed probably a bit too ambitiously. As I always do.

 

My goal was to be radiant.

 

Now, since that's a characteristic, not something you can just 'scratch off the list', it's hard to judge if I really reached where I wanted to be. I mean, how do you even judge such a thing as radiance? It's certainly not something you can judge of yourself. You may observe it in others, but, to try and say it is a thing you possess of your own - well, I find that a bit ostentatious a thought.

 

I hope I was radiant, at least, most of the time. I know there were many times when I failed miserably.

 

Radiance is still one of my favorite words, though. And I've determined that it is worthy of a lifelong pursuit.

 

 

But this, year, for my productivity's sake, I am making a list of things I want to do and learn.

Lists can be quite useful, you know. And it /is/ fun to scratch stuff off as you go, am I right?

 

Yes, this is a random collection of things from Pinterest, just because.  They are positive, encouraging things that spoke to me. Things that I want to be reflections of myself.

 

I want to be an eternal optimist. The kind of person that is never daunted by the negative in the world, even though I acknowledge it is there because that's what any smart person would do. Always looking on the bright side. Always the one bearing sunshine and smiles. Or at least, an encouraging word.

 

I want to be constantly cheerful. Even in circumstances where I don't feel like it. This is a hard one.

 

Ever since I saw this ^^ one, I fell in love with it. What a wonderful viewpoint! It sounds so beautiful, too. Daughter of the Star Breather.

 

The most important thing I want to do this year is to represent the Star Breather, AKA my Heavenly Father and Creator of the Universe the best I can. I want to use what He has given me to bless others and point them to Him.

 

I want to have a desperation for His closeness. A thirst that never is quenched, a fire that never dies, and a striving which never relents. I want to flee the pits of lukewarm spirituality, and avoid fence-sitting like the plague.

 

I want to burn with passion for Jesus. Because anything less than that isn't adequate. God doesn't want half-interested followers, or somnolent sleepers. He needs soldiers and DOERS OF HIS WORD. I want more than anything to be just that.

 

I want my relationship with Christ to deepen so much more than it ever has before.

 

This year, I will praise and thank my Maker every chance I can get.

 

 

This year, I will purpose to learn as many new things possible.

 

In 2015, I will learn to control my words, and to speak with purpose. I will think before I speak, and my lips shall only utter positive, uplifting thoughts.

 

I will overcome myself. I won't succumb to the temptation waging war within me. My emotions will not drag me down, and I will not accept just being 'bipolar' as my fate. That might be my 'label', but I am not going to allow it power over my life. I refuse to give it room to grow and thrive.

 

I cherish the words of 2 Timothy 1:7.

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a SOUND MIND."

 

A SOUND MIND. My mind is sound! I don't have to accept being mentally and emotionally unstable. Christ has given me power, and I have all the authority in the universe to use it.

 

So, here's my list.

 

1. Spend more time in the Word, prayer and praise.

2. Take evangelism more seriously!

3. Memorize five verses a month.

4. Spend more time with my family, doing things they want to do.

5. Finish my ISSA certification.

6. Get The Rebels of Florida published!

7. Make progress with Radicals - possibly begin filming later in the year.

8. Take piano studies way more seriously.

9. Run in the Rugged Maniac race.

10. Go on a missions' trip somewhere.

11. Be able to do 5 full chin-ups.

12. Write more in my journal.

13. Spend less time on social media.

14. Read Les Miserables.

15. Read the LOTR trilogy.

16. Spend more time gardening.

17. Learn and master the Lindy Hop, East Coast & West Coast Swing, Charleston, Foxtrot, Polka, Samba/Salsa, Jitterbug and St. Louis Shag.

 

So that's all the big stuff. I'm sure other things will come along too. Hopefully this isn't too ambitious!

 

I just want to have things to work towards ya know? Never let the grass grow under my feet. Stagnancy kills, literally. The human body was made for movement, just as the soul was created for growth and change. We are creatures of purpose, and our purpose is to not remain in one stage of development all our lives. We should be constantly growing, improving ourselves. This is my goal, anyway.

 

What about y'all? Where are you going in your spiritual life? What are you aiming to accomplish this year?

 

The book of 2015 has begun. Nobody knows what genre this book belongs to, yet. Whether it's thriller, romance, suspense or comedy - or even a hodgepodge of everything, it doesn't matter. The genre doesn't dictate the success - or quality - of the story.

 

You have 360 days to craft your tale. Make them count. Make them memorable.

So what are you going to fill those pages with?

And If The Music's Good, You Dance {the final chapter of 2014}

 

// And if the music's good, you dance. //

 

I feel really out of touch with this blog.

 Like, I haven't kept you guys up to date on anything at all this year.

 

Kinda a shame, because it's been the best year of my life.

 

Don't I say that every year? I guess it just proves how things only keep getting more and more amazing.

 It feels like this year sort of came, did a couple cartwheels, and then disappeared out the back door.

But that's okay. Because those cartwheels were pretty darn incredible.

 

 

Yes, there were cons along with the pros. There are things I regret. But I am a self-declared eternal optimist, so therefore I'm not dwelling on those negatives. I never liked bad vibes. And besides, all you can do is to learn from your mistakes. You don't eat them up like they're dark chocolate or nutella.

You adapt. You expand your horizons. You evolve. (On the micro scale, of course. haha) You pull yourself off the ground, and start walking in the right direction again. And you try not to look back.

 

// Romans 8:1 //

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit. 

 

^^Perhaps one of my favorite verses in the entire Scriptures.

 

 

Reflecting back on the year, it was busy, productive (for the most part - social media tends to wreck havoc on my productivity) and full of chances to grow. I had so many opportunities to do different things! For the moment, I'd like to focus on some of those many opportunities.

 

We'll start with January, where it all began. The first chapter. ♪

 

JANUARY

 

Love these sisters!

♪ I went to (and played music at) my first Civil War reenactment, the Brooksville Raid.

♪ I became an adult - legally, at least.

♪ I cut my bangs, and fell in love with them.

♪ I started writing the sequel to The Rebels of Florida.

 

 

FEBRUARY

 

 

 

♪ I went to NYC for the fifth time with my dad on ASGA business. Explored the Manhattan and Brooklyn bridges.

♪ Southern Lights played at the Battle of Olustee, our second reenactment and the largest in FL.

♪ My family got our first truck!

♪ I worked a lot on If Dante Had Wings.
♪ I had my first art commission!
 

Turquoise eyes.

MARCH

 

 

♪ We played at the Williston reenactment.

♪ And at that reenactment, I met Chris.♥

♪ We had a retro party.

Will, Adam, Andrew and Luke did basketball for the first time!

 

 

APRIL

 

 

♪ Adam, Andrew and Will started doing baseball.

♪ My grandma got married!

♪ Started writing for Survival Mom.

♪ Will turned 15.

 

 

MAY

 

 

♪ Southern Lights had our first paid gig at the Fort King historic site grand opening.

♪ We took a trip up to Alabama to visit with our dear 'extended family', the Caliguires.

♪ GFP had an audition for Radicals and casted two characters. 

 



Country kids have all the fun!

 

JUNE

 

 

♪ My family had our annual Oxendine family reunion at the beach for a week.

♪ Six out of those seven days, I got to see Chris.

♪ On June 8th, he asked to court me! ♥

♪ We had our first date, which was going to the homeschool prom/English country dance.

 

 

 

JULY



 

 

♪ Our whole family went to Orlando for another of Daddy's conferences.

♪ I had my graduation ceremony.

♪ Will, Chris and I did a photoshoot for Radicals.

♪ Chris took me on a hot air balloon ride in Orlando!

♪ We also went tubing, and to Medieval Times.



From the Radicals photoshoot

 

 

AUGUST

 

 

♪ Southern Lights received our second paid gig, playing at the Battle of Gainesville.

♪ I had my graduation pictures taken.

♪ Chris took me flying!

♪ We took a little vacation to the beach.

♪ I got to go to Chris' Sea Cadets promotion.

♪ I started lessons at the Ocala Piano Conservatory.

 ♪ Luke turned 8.

♪ I split The Rebels of Florida into two books.

 

 

 

 

SEPTEMBER

 

 

♪ Chris and I ran the Color Run!

♪ We went to a Fall Ball in Ocala.

♪ Chris and I went to the Blue Grey Cotillion in St. Pete.

♪ I gained 8 new piano students, my professional piano teaching season began. (Also began teaching my brothers.)  

♪ I started volunteering at a local Awana as a Truth and Training leader.

♪ My family took the annual road trip to Washington, DC for my dad's largest ASGA conference.

 

 



Yes, little bro is cute when he's being a gentleman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 OCTOBER

 

 ♪ Chris took me to two different Florida orchestra concerts. I had never been to a live orchestra performance before!

♪ Will, Daddy and I went to Chicago (my second time, Will's first) for an ASGA conference.

♪ I performed at my first Ocala Piano Conservatory concert.

 

 

 

NOVEMBER

 

 

 

♪ Chris and I participated in the Ocklawaha River Raid, and I got to go to my first reenactment church service.

♪ We also got to hand out tracts at the Micanopy Fall Festival.

♪ We had a bonfire and played music under the stars.

♪ We went to a masquerade ball.

♪ Southern Lights played at Ocali Country Days for our third year in a row.

♪ Went to Mammy and Pappy's for Thanksgiving, and went fishing - caught 3 redfish hehe.

 

 

 



The whole clan!

 

 

 

DECEMBER

 

 

♪ Chris and I went to a Christmas party at his church, and he took me to a concert at the Bok Tower.

♪ I played guitar and sang Silent Night in German with Chris' sister at a womens' Bible study down there.

♪ Adam and Andrew turned 11.

♪ Chris, Will and I saw the third Hobbit film.

♪ Got to spend Christmas with our grandparents, cousins and Chris.

♪ I started a new nanny job.

♪ Chris and I celebrated 6 months of being together!

♪ Officially enrolled in the International Sports Sciences Association, for my fitness trainer certification.

 

 

 

Whew. There ya have it. All the highlights that I could remember at the moment. I know I left out a whole lot.

Sooo, if you've stuck around - kudos and free chocolate for ya, you awesome trekker person, you.

And now it's disastrously late. Well, 1:30, which, for a night owl, isn't /that/ late. But for most normal people...erm, yeahh. It's late.

 

Before I go, I had this thought I would share a few of my favorite quotes. And a random quote snippet I had shared on Facebook.

 

--

Luke: *scrunches eyebrows together* Why is there a little shaking outhouse in the front of Chris' car?
Me: *makes a face* A what?!
Luke: A shaking outhouse!
Me: *shakes head* I have noo idea what you're talking about.
Luke: It's blue and has little windows......
Me: *stares at the 7-year-old munchkin in bewilderment*......
Luke: *looks equally confused* ....
Me:......
Luke:....
Me:.....OHHHH. *eyes widen as I suddenly figure out what he's talking about*

Hahahahahah so Chris has this bobble TARDIS on his dash... I guess it's pretty obvious that the youngest members of the Oxendine clan aren't acquainted with Doctor Who. xD

--

 

♪ Optimist (n.) - Someone who knows that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster; it's a cha-cha. // Robert Brault ♪

-

♪ You're never fully dressed without a smile. ♪

-

♪ Don't look for a princess in need of saving, search for a queen to fight by your side. ♪

-

♪ My purpose in life is simple. To peacefully turn the world upside down. - Me ♪

-

♪ Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose. (haha!) ♪

-

♪ Playing the piano is like dancing for the fingers. ♪

-

♪ Meekness= power under control. ♪

 

So, 2014 was amazing. God's mercies extended further than I could ever have dreamed. Which is nothing new, because His mercies are abundant and eternal. Praising Him for all that He has done and allowed me to do, and for His mercy when I mess up. Cause I tend to do that a lot.
But yeah. This was the year I got a boyfriend, discovered kpop, swing and Wicked: The Musical, found out how addicting Civil War reenacting is, cut my bangs and declared myself a free-spirited hippie minus all the drugs and bad stuff. I joined the Firefly and Sherlock fandoms. I ran a lot. I made new friends. T'was shiny.

And now it's time for me to go to bed. Thus concludes the defining chapter.
So long, twenty-fourteen. I'll look back on ye fondly.

And YOU, 2015, well, it's just the beginning of our fabulous adventure.
Literally.